Dear Baby of Mine…

The last baby has been born.

These last few months have been an emotional world wind. After I found I was pregnant, I found out several of my friends were too. The last one was born today. He came early..this shit just got too real.

I am happy for them all, all healthy growing babies. They are just hard to be around.

but…

this is earth shattering…Not really earth shattering but it hurts like fuck. Im convinced that this has happened because God doesnt want me to be a single parent….yeah I will just use that as my excuse. 

and now that I think about it my cousins baby is due in January. I’m sure he will come early…

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  • #Dear Baby of Mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 2

I am tired of & I really dont want to hear…

that “maybe it wasnt your time”. You dont fuckin know what i had planned for my life!! 

I have been on an emotional roller-coaster that has left me embarrassed, hurt, lost and damn near unable to function. 

So no matter how you try to console someone, be careful with what you say…some people dont know any better and some people just say what has worked for them..but that IS NOT working for me. 

YES, I am angry & bitter about what I am going through, Yes I feel like I may need to talk to someone about my thoughts but please dont set yourself up to tell me HOW I SHOULD FEEL or WHAT KIND OF OUTLOOK I SHOULD HAVE ON LIFE.

If you dont know how to express your emotions into words about my situation and want me to know that you care, then “sorry for your loss or thinking of you” is the best way to go about it. No need to tack on anything about Prayer, GOD, “What is meant to be” or anything of that nature.  You really don’t have to say anything…I wont hate you if you don’t…


Malika 

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  • #emotions #miscarriage #loss #feelings #pain #hurt #comfort #Dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 5

My Dilemma

I have made contact with the father of what would have been my child. After finding out that I was pregnant he was not happy and wanted nothing to do with it. I cussed him several times and he expressed his dislike for me several times, and when things started to go downhill I let him know everything that was going on. He did try to console me but I continued to let his ass have it(cussing him out)…We have been talking more than usually about spending time with each other, and I went and seen him a for a lil bit the other day and my soul just ached…I miss him, his company and I want him around…and I dont know if that is just due to the loss of the baby…but He did say that he would go with me on Monday to the hospital and be my designated driver for when I have my DNC. My Friend think that the convenience of him wanting to be around now is due to the lose of the baby, and she feels that it may bring on more hurt but like I told her…I am hurting right now, and I want that comfort from him…

I dont know.

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  • #dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 6

I never in a million years thought that I would be going through all of this for a second time…

My DNC is scheduled for Monday at 8 a.m.

My Pregnancy test is still showing positive and when she did an Ultrasound she said there were still a significant amount of clots and the sack is still there…i cant go 3 full minutes without crying. I seriously wish this were over…Just when I thought I was getting better mentally i am all fucked up AGAIN

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  • #Dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
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  • #dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 5

Since I hadn’t happened on its on yet I had to get the medicine and insert all 4 pills in my vagina…it took 3 hours to take affect but it feels like someone took an axe to my lower half…good thing for hydrocodone.

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  • #dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 1

if you have any questions please be dont be afraid to ask.

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  • #Dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 7

Things that have been said to me since losing the baby

  • Girl 1:Congrats on the baby!
  • Girl 2:How is Pregnancy going for you?
  • Guy 1:Are you showing yet?
  • Each time I held my composure and told them that I miscarried. I am now trying to find new ways of telling them...
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  • #Dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 3

i thought i was done crying. Every time someone says something thoughtful or caring to me it just breaks me down. My sleeping buddy has been over two nights in a row but had to leave early this morning to go do something. I wanted to make him breakfast but I didnt know he had to be somewhere until he woke up late. I think he is the only one I can tolerate because he doesn’t bring it up. I am going home (Chickasha) today to pick up class reunion fees and take some of the boys old clothes to my mama cause she is taking care of my cousins lil boy because of a wreck…but thats a whole different story.

I hope she still plans on making me some meatloaf.

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  • #Dear Baby of Mine
  • 1 year ago

Im bout to go home and sleep my life away.

I feel sick to my stomach & life is not fair…instead of me going on a full blown rampage I will jus be gone for a while.

Baby of mine is Baby no more.

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  • #dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 3

Just to calm my nerves i took another test.

Same results as the first…I hope this helps me make it through the week.

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  • #dear baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 2

I have a confession to make

Ever since I went to that doctors appointment I feel less than. No longer feel like I am going to be a mother and a provider for someone who comes from me. I no longer feel pregnant. Yes, I still have some tenderness in my breasts but I feel like that’s the last thing to go. I’m so glad I didn’t cry while seeing an almost empty womb when I expected to see an alien…I had a weird feeling for a long time that this pregnancy was too good to be true. I hated the fact that I celebrated to early…hell anybody would if they were as excited as me.. This is a part of my life that I am ready for…and it all may go away like it never happend. Many people think its easy to get pregnant and I know some of my followers (even though they won’t speak it) have resentment towards me, the idea and everything else but being a woman who is still classified as being obese and dealing with PCOS, a full term pregnancy is something that seems unattainable. I may be just thinking too much, and by no means am i wishing for the worst…it just seems like the worst is what’s destined to happen. I’m dreading my appointment on Wednesday.

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  • #Dear Baby of mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 4

just got back from getting my blood drawn for my second hormone check. I just hope that the dates were off and i was just early..

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  • #Dear Baby of Mine
  • 1 year ago

i cried so much that i dont even know what time i fell asleep.

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  • #Dear Baby of Mine
  • 1 year ago
  • 2

There is no baby or a no yolk sac just the gestational sac. By the size of my uterus its looks as though I may be 5 weeks. Or it could be that its not developing like it should.

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  • #Dear Baby of Mine
  • 1 year ago
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