First & Foremost I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with being informed about every aspect of life. i am not asking for sympathy or anything of that sort…just informing someone else on something no one ever told me.
My idea of my loosing the baby was seeing an empty womb during the ultrasound. At that point I stopped having all of those feelings that i was having…it was weird and i was truly heartbroken TWICE.
This is the second time that I have had to deal with loosing a child within the first trimester. The first time was over six years ago and it was a very different experience. i was young and opted for a DNC because I felt like I couldnt handle a miscarriage on my own. This time around I felt like i was strong enough to deal with it happening naturally. I WAS WRONG!! two weeks ago I found out that my baby wasnt developing properly and then a week after that I was informed that my hormone levels had started to decrease and thus a miscarriage was soon to come. I told my OB that I would rather let it happen naturally then to do a DNC or use the pills…
Well after my appointment on Wed she told me that it was time for another option..and still not wanting to go the DNC route I opted for the pills. She stated that it would be like a heavy period and the cramping would be like that…well i never really had to experience cramping during my period..I always get headaches or back pain..
I was in agony for 12 hours and the pain meds didnt kick in til it was almost over…I messed up several pair of panties/shorts/sweats/sheets/towels and even my mattress. When the doctor mentioned that it would be like a heavy period she should have mentioned it would be like a heavy period for 10 women…The cramping was weird as well, every time i felt and intense cramp i knew it was more tissue about to be passed, and when that point would come i would try to get up and hurry to the bathroom.
at one point I realized that i was down to my last three pads, so texted several people asking were they awake…it was late but not that late…and my cousins gf was the first to respond…I told her what to get me and she said that she would be on her way…I went and unlocked the door and told her not to tell anyone (she was at my cousins house) and when she got here my cousin didnt come up so I assume she told him what was going on…and by her face i know she was so scared…i was just rambling on about what all had happened so far and she was just looking spooked..i had to have her help me get it together because I was mid cramp when she had got there..i had to have her give me a change of underwear and i remember saying “finding me the biggest pair you can find” when I got it together I walked her out the door and told her thank you.
- The clots were huge and leakage was bad!!
I passed out twice. Once trying to get a change of clothes, I knew I needed to get up and change clothes and shower for the second time because after dosing off i felt completely icky and soiled. I walked over to my closet and something didnt really feel right and i was starting to get pissed because I couldnt find any dark panties and then I remembered that my darks were in the chair in the dining room, and next thing I know I am on the floor, cant find my glasses and in intense pain, I managed to get up feeling a dizzy still and next thing I know I wake up in the tub, I was long ways with my feet hanging out the edge of the tub, that time i woke up in a daze and was able to pull myself up and get it together…after sitting there for what seemed like forever I was able to get in a shower, fresh clothes and then I took my sheets off my bed cleaned my mattress and put the stuff in the washing machine and moved to the couch where I have been since 2 something this morning. Krystal wanted me to go to the ER, but I couldnt drive myself and I really didnt want to wake anyone up.
I actually thought I was about to die on the toilet…I am past the emotional part where I am losing something that I so deeply wanted…i am now at the point in my life where I’m wondering how anyone ever made it through this before me….and for the most part I was all alone.
I say all of that to say that You are stronger than you think and its okay to talk about this sort of thing…I have heard women talk about miscarriages but I NEVER in a million years thought that it would happen this way to me or like this. i wasnt prepared at all..
The cramping has stopped but I am still in a lot of pain and a little light headed…but thats probably because I just ate my first meal of the day.
If you have any questions you know I will answer them.